CARE: Collection. Awareness. Reconnection. Empathy. COLLECTION: Collect information about a challenging situation or dynamic by allowing anxiety, frustration, anger and other ‘uncomfortable’ emotions to be “markers” on the road that offer information about what is really going on for a child that he or she cannot articulate or may not be aware of ie. an unmet need or unexpressed pain and fear. AWARENESS: Notice your own reactions and emotions coming up in the face of your child’s reactions, perceived resistance. See through the eyes of relationship: Our relationship shapes our child more than our rules. RECONNECTION: Let context be your compass. Repair work is the heart of healthy relationships, and through this repair process, we not only build deep abiding trust and security, but we heal those fissures and cracks that cultivate resilience, forgiveness and self-awareness in our children, and which might have otherwise driven them into compulsive pursuits for attention and validation from others and perpetuating painful conflicts throughout their lives. EMPATHY: Within your relationship, see it (the perceived resistance, angry tantrum, meltdown, anxiety, fear, phobia, withdrawal, high energy, etc) from your child’s perspective. And from your own. Pay close attention to your own habit of immediately projecting ahead 20 years to what this might mean if you don’t “nip it in the bud.” Our future fears can often get in the way of our kids’ present emotional needs. Our children need our focused present attention to this moment in time, when their struggle, reactions or frustration is calling for our support in this context in a way that is accessible to and accepting of them.
“When we think of every passing struggle as a potentially lifelong problem, we can get worked up very quickly. That’s a turning point in every relationship where we can either open up to connection or close down in fear and defense and control.”

Content excerpted from “Keeping the Light On” workshop Copyright 2009, Lu Hanessian.

Photo, WYSH, LLC, www.wearyourspirit.com. All rights reserved.

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