ENGAGE

n Nurture heart-centered intelligence [SEL] and emotional self-awareness

n Teach social insights, not simply skills and facts

n Engage through Play

n Engage through Emotions

n Engage through Learning Styles

n Engage the Brain Processes

n Engage through Conflict not by “fixing” but by being present and letting

crisis, emotions and reactions give us good information about our child--and

ourselves

Roles of Engagement

How can we raise children to thrive in the 21st Century?
How can we parent and teach kids in a way that supports and promotes what science tells us is crucial for the development of their whole selves? Research is definitive in its findings that the answer to this question lies in the quality of our attachments. It is through these secure attachments that we develop our creative problem-solving, reflective and innovative thinking, and capacity to forge abiding relationship in our lives. Inspiration, engagement and connection are pathways to thriving and teaching our children how to do the same.

When we are engaged, our brains grow.
When we are engaged, our minds expand.
When we are engaged, our relationships flourish.
When we are engaged, we keep our own light on.

When we engage our children, we stimulate change.
When we engage our children, we pave pathways for authentic connection.
When we engage them, we cultivate a way of relating to themselves and the world.
When we engage them, we keep their light on--and teach them how to do the same.

What role can we play, as parents, teachers and therapists, to engage our children, and engage ourselves in our own growth?

We can:

Roles of Engagement

shapeimage_15_link_0

Toni Reece interviews Lu for “The Get Inspired Project!”

LISTEN!

www.getinspiredproject.com

CONVERSATIONS

ON KEEPING THE LIGHT ON

[click here to listen]

“I do like thinking that when I take my son trolling for salmon, or listen to his younger brother’s labyrinthine elaborations of his dreams, or sing “Sweet Betsy of Pike” with my 5-year-old daughter as we drive home from the lake, I’m flipping little switches that can help light them up.
I don’t know what all those switches are—and I don’t need to. It’s enough to know that together we can turn them on.”
David Dobbs, author
“Reef Madness”

Engaging our kids creates the foundation for connection.
But how? What does engaging mean?

For engagement to be effective, it has to be authentic. And for it to be sincere, it must be free of the trappings of control. In other words, we can’t engage if it’s on our terms.

What role do we play? Do we assign a role to our child (management) or allow for freedom of expression to “see” how our child perceives and communicates what is within him (engagement)?

We can explore “roles” of engagement, engaging through inspiration, finding a language, context and vehicle with which we can capture a child’s natural wonder and engage his senses.

We can engage our children in conversation, approaching the engagement process through the eyes of the child and listen as much to what he doesn’t say as to what he does. Engaging involves our own adult senses: watching with our ears, listening with our heart, and maintaining the connection through a present awareness of the child’s need in the moment as opposed to our own set of extrinsic motivators which control the child and can elicit feelings of resistance and defense in him.

If we rely on what’s obvious, we can often miss the person behind the behavior. We can make assumptions about lack of responsiveness, anger, a sullen mood, or boredom, and assume that a child is not aware of his own emotional life, and what’s more, is dismissing us out of defiance or rudeness which are perceived as offensive instead of defensive expressions. We may not realize a child’s anxieties, though they may be churning inside him for hours at school and well beyond.

We can discover why a child has stopped trying, has begun “acting out” in confounding ways, or why he or she has developed a lack of interest in the things that once brought her passion and joy.

When we are conscious of finding ways to “keep the light on”, we are intent on finding ways to mend the breaks that occur in every relationship, in the day-to-day cracks and fissures that cause disconnection within our relationships, and we discover and heal our own unmet needs. We are, in effect, keeping the light on in ourselves and modeling this for and with our children.

All content excerpted from “Keeping the Light On” Copyright 2009, Lu Hanessian. All rights reserved.